A Hypocrite’s Confession: Cody Williams’ Story
Hyp-o-crite (noun): a person who acts in contradiction to his or her stated beliefs or feelings.
One thing I have learned from being a follower of Jesus is that unchurched people are quick to think, call or feel that you are a hypocrite. Guess what? They were right about me.
I have struggled with alcohol since was I was 18 years old. I have no one to blame but myself. As a young adult, I was very much a secular-minded individual. When it came to struggles with anxiety and depression, the easiest thing to do was to turn to the sauce. Little did I know that I was setting myself up for almost 10 years of demons, guilt and shame.
One of the two best things that has happened to me was finding Jesus through One Life Church. (In case you’re wondering, my amazing wife is the other.) A question was asked at our latest leadership meeting: Where did you first experience Jesus? I felt like it was tough for me to answer. I said that it was through my parents, but I would like a re-do. I honestly feel the first time I experienced Jesus was sitting in what our church calls a Project. Projects are media intense events that are at the heart of One Life’s passion to leverage artistic creativity to impact people far from God with the message of the gospel. This particular project, Project: Identity, was designed for the secular-minded around Jesus’ identity.
I remember exactly where I was sitting, what the weather was like and how I was feeling. I remember that we were supposed to go to the 8:30 service that morning but we couldn’t due to a late night of partying the night before. We ended up attending at that time a 6PM service. During that service, I remember the guilt that was hanging over me from being so wrapped up in my need for alcohol. Pastor Bret reached a point in the service where he said something to the tune of, “No matter where you right now in your walk, you can close your eyes and ask for forgiveness. Say I am in. I want to be on your team.” I have never felt such a more present feeling of Jesus in my entire life. From that point on, I have been a believer, a believer who still struggles.
No one said that just because you accept Jesus Christ in your heart as your Lord and Savior that things are easy. Looking back on things, I feel that most unchurched people probably have a similar mindset: “If I am a Christian, I can’t have any fun and I won’t be able to participate in the things that I know are wrong. This sounds like a lot of work…”
Over the past 2 years, I have become involved in anything I can get my hands on at church. I am a lighting tech on a worship team at One Life West. Some of the best times with our band are the devotional time before practice. When I first joined a lighting team, I was paired up with a team at One Life Henderson. The worship leader is someone I highly looked up to because I felt she had it all together. This person glowed in the light of Jesus. Holly was so passionate about the Lord. It came out when she walked, talked and worshiped. I will never forget one night she was in tears talking about a church band that came in plugged in their instruments, played the songs, unplugged and left. She challenged us to never be like that. It was a privilege that we were able to be there that Sunday morning to worship. It was something so much greater than chords on a chart or words on a screen.
The first practice I had with Holly’s team, we were sitting in a circle on stage in Henderson. We were going around the circle just talking about things we are happy for and things we need prayer for. I remember just spilling my guts to about 10 people I have never met in my life. Apparently, I am very good at being vulnerable. It felt so good to liberate my soul and confess not only to those people but also to make a public confession to God.
I did pretty good at staying away from alcohol at that point for a while but all my stressors (work, anxiety, depression, life) were still present. My faith was strong and I was able to turn to the Lord and ask Him for strength. Once again, it wasn’t easy. I was still surrounded outside of the church by friends who had similar struggles, only I was more involved in church. It really made me no different than them.
I am a firm believer in all things happen for a reason. God has challenged me over the last two years. I am so thankful to have friends at the church that no matter what the struggle they are always there to support me. Being in a Life Group, which is a small group of people who do life outside of Sunday morning, has been a blessing to my wife and I. I can talk to these guys about anything. They all have or have had struggles in their life. That’s what Christian community is all about. It’s not about just going to church on Sunday morning then going out for lunch afterwords. It’s about doing life together with other people. It’s about getting off your butt and making a difference in yourself and others. I am thankful to have a leader who has seen me through my ups-and-downs, yet he is still there asking what he can do. It’s not about judging or giving up on someone or something. It’s about supporting someone and showing grace to say, “I am with you. How can I help?”
These last few months God has really been stirring in me. I knew I had to make a change not only for the sake of Him but also for my health, family and my church.
July 23, 2013 is the day it hit me. A friend on Facebook had posted an obituary of one of his classmates. The picture of this girl looked so familiar. I clicked on the link to the obit to uncover that it was someone I knew of. It was a member of our church family. I remember this girl so clearly. I would see her and her son at church all the time. Walking in and out of church every Sunday you see hundreds of people; you don’t know everyone’s story. This girl and I actually got baptized on the same day last April. I went back that next Monday to not only watch my baptism again but also hers. She and I had the same story. We had both struggled with alcohol.
Little did I know that God had a plan to kick me right in the face that next Sunday. Our Lead Pastor, Bret Nicholson, gave the best sermon I have heard in my 2 years at this church. I felt as if I was the only person in the auditorium. This message hit me so hard that I knew it was time. It was time for me to start living for something more than the next drink. It was time for me to end this vicious cycle that I was in daily.
I am proud to say that I have not had a drink in 17 days. God has tested my strength and commitment through social situations. I have been able to take those urges and the pressure and just pray silently to myself. One prayer I remember perfectly from that message is from Romans 12:21, “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”
I have never felt so alive in my life. I have replaced those habits with other things such as exercise and a challenge to get back to a healthy lifestyle. I have been working with a personal trainer. I’ve seen great results in just the first two weeks. My goal is also to apply this vulnerable leadership to others in our church that struggle. I don’t have all of the answers but I do have, Jesus, an awesome life group, a church that challenges me, and my wife, my number one supporter.