I’m writing while on a visit to Afghanistan.
This trip unexpectedly became a beautifully painful time of remembering a dear friend. Her name was Cheryl Beckett. She was a servant to the people of Afghanistan. And, she was truly one of the highest quality people I have ever known. She is also a modern day martyr. I think there’s a lot to learn from her life. But, first, a little background for context.
I mentioned in a previous post that a young woman who served over here for several years was killed, along with her entire team, back in August of 2010. It was called at the time, “the worst attack on humanitarian workers in 30 years”. [click here for the original news story]
The young woman was Cheryl.
I met Cheryl in a class at my church. We easily hit it off because I had recently travelled to Afghanistan and was using the class to deepen my understanding of global work. She was there while preparing to go live long-term in Afghanistan. In the years to follow each time we did trips to Kabul, we made it a point to connect with Cheryl. When she was back in the states she would sometimes get to drop by our home in Evansville.
In 2006 my family lived in Kabul for a month. During that time, we were able to hook up with her many times and in various settings. My wife and I came to love her like a daughter and my girls came to love and admire her as the heroic older sister. She always brought a time of fun and refreshing for our family as we were wrestling with the challenge that comes with living in the harsh and intensely cross-cultural world of Afghanistan.
I remember where I was and what I was doing when a friend called to tell me she had been killed.
Between that moment and a memorial service for her I remember experiencing a unique brand of grief. Cheryl was a truly special person we can all learn from. . . which sounds so cliché to say I almost hate to write it. But, I mean it by conviction not obligation to honor someone who has died. Death can create an unrealistic mystique around someone. But, no, in this case, I’m confident that’s not it. . . not at all. I’m confident, because I clearly remember thinking these things about her when she was still alive.
Here’s some things I think we can all learn:
1. Live as Children of Light.
“You were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light 9 (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth)” Ephesians 5:8-9
A major bible theme is our behavior can make things brighter or darker.
I remember the unique sense of grief I had when she died was tied to knowing somehow the world had just become a little darker, especially in Afghanistan. To that place, with all of its faults, she radiated desperately needed hope and grace. The ache that she was going to be missing from there filled me with a sense of loneliness wrapped up in the fear that darkness had somehow “won”. Her murderers have no concept of what they took away from their own country.
2. Be biblically “spiritual” not fake spiritual.
Cheryl was not “spiritual” in the way that many people (mistakenly) perceive it. The radical, risky and sacrificial nature of her life could lead people to imagine an overly spiritualized, churchy personality. No. She talked like a “normal” person. Her language was not peppered with “amen’s” and “praise the Lord’s” or any other of our typical churchisms, as if she were trying to be something she was not.
Her Christ-like authenticity was demonstrated in what she did and how she carried herself. She was very quick to laugh without being flippant or crass. She was obviously intelligent without being even the slightest bit aloof or proud. She was easy to talk to-–a very active listener. She was outgoing but she didn’t express it by being overbearing or one of those people who talks so much you feel like you’re waiting in line to make a point.
Her maturity in Christ showed up where it should: in how she interacted with people. She had an energizing kind graciousness. And, all of us know we enjoy being around people like that.
3. Remember a real walk with Jesus is marked with beauty and pain…so be real.
While Cheryl loved Afghanistan and the Afghan people, at times, she struggled with her mission. In her writings she sometimes wrote words like “despair”. She was honest. She wasn’t immune to or silent about the struggles of the very difficult service the Lord had called her to.
On the other hand, I never heard the slightest hint of self-pity or complaining…only searching and the wrestling of the soul.
I know what its like to spend simple short stints in Afghanistan and, trust me, it is wearying physically, emotionally and spiritually. The fact that she lived there for 6 years with very few breaks blows me away.
4. Be humble.
Cheryl had intelligence and achievement in her life carried with an endearing humility. I’ve heard true humility described as the willful laying down of one’s position for the sake of others. That’s a great description of how she lived.
She was a class valedictorian and president; an actively recruited honors student. She became a very knowledgeable professional missionary offering expertise in gardening and medicine. She was more than qualified to be on the ill-fated last team of high caliber people who hiked through the Afghan mountains delivering medical help. But, someone asked her what she would do on the team, she answered, “I can make balloon animals.”
One of my favorite moments on my current trip was getting to meet the Afghan Doctor who would have worked with her nearly everyday. He still had a picture of her on his shelf. He brought her up and exclaimed in his very limited English, “I thought her, very high, very high.” Then he said it again. Through an interpreter he went on to describe how he watched her treat all the children in the medical clinic with the same refreshing kindness. He told us, no matter how poor or dirty or diseased any child was, Cheryl would give them her trademark beaming smile and a full love-radiating hug. He said with each child she was with, she would make that child feel like the most important person in the world.
That’s biblical humility.
5. Do something to actively improve the world.
Too often we limit ourselves to avoiding doing bad things. But, we are called to “overcome evil with good”. We are called to be proactive. (See Romans 12:20)
The highlight of my trip was the unplanned and unexpected pleasure of getting to see the garden Cheryl planted. Cheryl’s area of true expertise and love, on the work side, was advanced gardening. The project she worked as her daily job during a significant stint of her time, and the contribution she made to the very poor community she worked in was showing the poor women of the village how to grow things in the desert.
This is one of her beautiful legacies. As we walked up, one of the Doctors giving us the tour said, “you should have seen this place before Cheryl was here. It was bleached dry dirt and rocks.”
Admittedly, what I thought I was going to see was a nice little green house or small room size patch of ground. What I saw was far more. Surrounding a medical clinic building was about a quarter acre of thriving plant life: fruit trees, grape vines overhead, evergreens, vegetables, even roses.
I was genuinely awed. I could see the area around the garden and know what the Doctor was talking about–it was harsh, trampled down and sun-beaten. Then, all you had to do was step through a gate and the contrast swallowed you up, calmed you down and gave its own kind of soul therapy.
I am so thankful for that place. It speaks of a principle in life we all could use more of. What are we doing that is proactively improving things around us? How are we overcoming evil with good? When I think of the horrible evil that killed my friend and I set it next to the beautiful work she did, it’s not hard at all to know what matters, and what is going to win in the end.
6. Remember where the beauty of great people comes from.
I confidently label Cheryl “great”. I’m with the Doctor, unashamedly saying along with him, “I hold her very high, very high.”
But, here’s what I always have to remember–and Cheryl knew it most of all: everything that made her the kind of person she all who knew her came to adore was rooted in her walking, living, breathing relationship with Jesus.
Cheryl loved the Lord. She had received his offer of free grace to guilty sinners. She sought his direction and counsel. She prayed. She worshiped with others. She knew the Bible. She agonized over decisions. She tried to keep her life pure. She repented of sins. In other words, she did the things the Lord calls us to do where He, in turn, makes us to be more like Himself.
I have to remember, whatever good I saw in Cheryl was seeing Jesus work through her. Her intelligence, grace, humor, depth, humility and kindness were who Jesus IS. He’s the ultimate hero of the story who has the humility and grace to allow someone like Cheryl to be a hero with him.
Pastor Bret Nicholson
Note: As we were posting this we just received word that Cheryl’s alma mater, Indiana Wesleyan is naming buildings in her honor. Here is the story: http://bit.ly/IJFqc8
